and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
