i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do herpes really smell.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
