At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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