I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
