We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
