p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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