New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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