he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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