Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
