My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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