My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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