I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
