I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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