Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
