i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
