you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
