You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
