Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
