I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
