My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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