After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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