I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
