So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
