While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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