There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
