i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
