Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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