when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
