I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
