That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
