there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize