You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
