Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
