i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
