Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
