I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
