What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
