I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
