meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
