so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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