If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's official drugs can't kill me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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