I'm eating all of the evidence.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
