apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
