Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
