Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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