I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
