I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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