I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Two words: nipple clamps
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