i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
