I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Two words: blizzard sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize