you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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