i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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