you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
