So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
