last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Two words: nipple clamps
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