Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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