he puts the penis in happiness.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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