Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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