if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
