I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
